I saw a short movie
... and a thought shared by the main character (a young man who moved from his small village to a larger town to work in a clothes shop) stuck with me.
He felt lonely in the large town, and he said, "There is nobody here to whom I could talk about my feelings"
This was an epiphany for me...
Of course! It's not just that there is nobody to talk to... he could talk to the customers, his boss, his colleagues, and his roommates.
But he could not talk to anybody about his feelings.
I could feel the tears in my eyes collecting.
This is what we are needing. Safety and closeness so we can talk about our feelings.
And I recognised how much I was missing this quality in some of my important relationships. How I am often left sad by the end of 'talking'.
Now I understand more deeply what I am actually longing for and needing.
It's okay to start with small talk.
It is interesting to hear about the weather, work, projects, and family.
But if feelings are not included, after a while the conversation becomes unfulfilling. Have you noticed this in your own relationships?
Like me, you might not even be able to pinpoint what is wrong. You might just feel a bit bored, or stuck, or uninterested... the encounters do not feel satisfying. At the end of an event or conversation you find yourself sad and unfulfilled.
It's risky business to share our feelings,
and it's not easy to find 'safe people' who can listen deeply.
Deep listening is a rare skill.
So is truly helpful reflection and/or guidance (when it's wanted)...
Note: I think we often don't want advice because we have bad memories of past experiences where advice was given as a disguised judgment or expectations, and we felt pressured, when we actually needed choice and empowerment.
If you have a friend or two who can offer you this kind of gift, you are very blessed indeed. And if you don't it's not your fault, and you are not alone...
There is a Jewish wise-saying, 'If you don't have a friend, buy one' (it's that important) ... pay somebody who can be that BFF...
Of course, I am here to offer you that.
Write to me below, in the contact form, or click here to be taken to the contact page.
Another way is to book a free 30-minute Discovery Call with me where you can find clarity about what is truly important to you at present, and if I would be a good match to be that BFF, deeply listen, and guide you there.